Letters from Sirius
by Weasley.is.my.king204
Summary: Tonks has tried to convince Remus that she loves him and will be happy with him, but he has refused her continuously.  Tonks is giving up, and Remus' mind is made up, when letters from Sirius arrive for both of them containing his last thoughts for them.


So, I've been wanting to write this one shot for a long time, and I've finally sat down to do it. I hope everyone enjoys this; I've tried to keep the characters as true to themselves as possible. Please take a moment to review when you've finished :]

**Letters from Sirius**

The atmosphere had changed within the Order in the last few weeks. The last time they had all been together was at a meeting at 12 Grimmauld Place, two nights before Sirius died. They were sitting around, talking in the kitchen as they always did, completely unaware of the goings on at Hogwarts, or the fate of one of their dearest members. They all knew what they signed up for, what they had to sacrifice, what they could lose, but no one was really prepared to meet again without Sirius.

After the incident at the Department of Mysteries Tonks had ended up in St. Mungo's for almost a week. Blasted by a spell from Bellatrix, she was lucky it didn't turn out worse. During that week, Remus hadn't left Tonks's side. He knew someone needed to be there when she woke up, someone was going to have to tell her that Sirius died.

Tonks had taken the news quite badly, as expected. She had become very close with Sirius through the Order. Sirius had always seemed untouchable. Maybe it was his courageous attitude or his inability to remain happy without being in the thick of the action. She knew that any one of them could have killed that night, but it hadn't been just anyone; it was her friend. She knew entering that night that she could be returning without any one that came with her, or she might not return herself. She guessed that in thick of it all, she'd forgotten the danger. All she cared about was getting those kids, especially Harry, out of there alive. Still, it could have been any one of them. Arthur, Molly, Mad-Eye, even Remus…her stomach gave a lurch at the thought. Sirius had been the one that didn't make it out though. Sirius was had given the ultimate sacrifice.

No one had taken Sirius' death harder than Tonks except for Remus, although he tried his best to keep strong, especially for her. Sirius had been his best friend, one of the first people to accept him for all that he was. Sirius' death brought back all the emotions that James's death had brought. Remus remembered that news. James and Lily were both dead, Harry was alone, and Remus couldn't even grieve with his best friend because he had killed Peter as well and was being carted off to Azkaban. Remus and Sirius' friendship had taken quite the journey through their lives. They became best friends their first year in Hogwarts and were inseparable ever since. The day Sirius was convicted of murder, Remus felt as though he lost all three of his best friends at one time. He'd lost them and Harry had lost them because his "best friend" Sirius had sold two of them out and killed the other. A few years later when Remus returned to Hogwarts at a teacher, he met Harry and realized how much both of his parents were reflected in him, James' hair and reckless attitude and Lily's eyes and caring disposition. He couldn't believe that his friend had stolen everything from Harry, and he didn't have to believe it for long. Soon, he discovered that Sirius was innocent; Peter had been the one who sold out James and Lily. Remus had gotten his best friend back, another was the traitor. Remus had every intention to kill Peter that night along with Sirius. They hadn't been in each other's presence for twelve years, but they bonded over the same idea, they were going to kill Peter together to avenge their best friend's death. Remus saw even more of James in Harry when he wouldn't let them.

Now Remus had really lost his best friend, the pain came all over again, but this time completely permanent. Sirius was not coming back. He tried to be strong for Tonks, she had loved Sirius too. He stayed with her and grieved with her. He was terrified when she'd fallen at the Ministry, for a moment he was sure she was gone. His stomach lurched at thought, and he quickly put it out of his mind.

Remus and Tonks had left the hospital together the day when Tonks finally told Remus how she really felt about him; he was more than a fellow Order member, more than a friend. Tonks knew she loved Remus and thought it was high time he knew it too. She'd seen how quickly life could be snatched from you. Remus hadn't reacted in a way she'd hoped. He'd rejected her, basically. He cared for her too, but it just wouldn't work, that was the excuse he had given. She was too good for him in every sense, and deserved someone better. Tonks had tried several times since then to change his mind, but he was too stubborn, and refused.

Remus loved Tonks, he really did. He knew it very well, and was petrified of it. He tried desperately to squash the happy feeling he got when she told him she loved him. He couldn't be with her. She deserved so much better than him, someone whole, someone younger, someone less dangerous. He was no good for her, and she would see that one day. People with afflictions like his, they didn't get married and they didn't have families. He would live alone for the rest of his life and rejected by society. He would never let her come into this life no matter how hard she tried to convince him that she didn't care.

Tonks was stumbling around her flat early in the morning. She hadn't been able to sleep properly since returning from St. Mungo's. It wasn't the hospital, it wasn't even Sirius, it was Remus, and Tonks knew it. She didn't know what to do about him anymore. She couldn't take it. She just didn't understand why he wouldn't listen to her. She didn't care what anyone thought, she loved him and she just wanted them both to be happy. As she was making herself a cup of tea, Tonks heard a light tapping at the window. Outside, just having landed on the window ledge from flying in the early morning air, an old owl was teetering dangerously as if he were going to fall straight over.

Tonks quickly rushed to the window and pulled the aging owl inside. She untied the letter and allowed him to sit on her kitchen table to catch his breath. She recognized the bird as the Weasley's Owl, Errol. The letter was from Molly Weasley.

_Tonks,_

_We found this letter for you in Sirius' room. The house has been cleared, it belongs to Harry now. I haven't opened it. I went in to see if there was anything I should give Harry and I found it there. I'm not sure what it is, but it had your name on it, so I wanted to send it._

So, the actual letter was from Sirius. Tonks anxiously pulled the real letter, written on old yellowed parchment. She sat on the couch in her sitting room unsteadily, unable to believe that she would hear Sirius' words once more.

_ Dear Tonks,_

_ If you're receiving this letter, I have unfortunately come to my untimely demise. Don't fret, I'm sure there's a lot more space wherever I'm going. I just wanted you to know how much I enjoyed getting to know you through the Order. We never got the chance to meet when we were younger, but thank goodness we both share the same feelings about the wretch of a family we come from. You've kept me quite cheerful as I've been stuck in this ruddy hell hole. There are a few things that I want to tell you. I haven't gotten the chance while living, so I wanted to make sure you got to hear them anyway. First, stay strong and continue with the Order. I'm presuming I went down fighting, and I know what I signed up for. I did this to fight for a better world, and if it helps Harry live in a better place, or makes his life any easier, than it was worth the sacrifice._ Tonks's eyes began to fill with tears. Sirius loved Harry so much, like a father, and now he was gone._ I want you to keep fighting, I don't want to have died for nothing; don't ever give up. Second, I want you to off the bugger that ended up doing me in. I've left that task to Remus, but just in case he's got other things to do, or you run into him first, give him a wave of your wand for me. Third and most importantly, don't give up on Remus._ Tonks's almost jumped. How did he know?_ Yes, you read it right, feel free to reread if you don't believe me. Tonks, I've seen the way you look at him. It's the same way that Lily used to look at James, reluctantly at first I might add. It's the way I hoped one day someone would look at me, preferably a beautiful muggle girl (if you're going to disgrace the family you might as well go all the way, right?). Lily and James were the most in love I have ever seen two people and having any resemblance to them is the highest compliment I can give. He gave up his life for her, and she wouldn't leave him even in the face of death. You look at Remus the way she looked at him, and Remus looks at you the same way James looked at her. He's stubborn, I know it. He won't be easy to convince. Since I don't know when you'll be getting this, I'm not sure if you've told him yet. Don't fret about unreturned feelings and all that nonsense because I know for a fact that my mate cares for you a great deal. You have to understand that he's been through a lot in his life. He acts very strong, he is very brave, but he's been rejected his whole life. He's going to give you every excuse he can to keep you away. He doesn't want you to get hurt. He wants you to be happy more than anything and has convinced himself that you could never be with him. He's sure you'll be happier with someone else. You've got to convince him otherwise. You've got to keep trying and convince him that he's wrong. One thing that we all had growing up that Remus did not was hope. He never hoped or believed for a better life outside of Hogwarts because he's so damn realistic and logical. Remus deserves happiness for once. He's my best mate and he deserves the best, and I believe that's you, Tonks. I know it's you. Even though he's stubborn, keep fighting him. He will let himself be happy eventually. I want you to know Tonks that I love you like a dear sister, you're certainly better than any intimate family member I had. You're a beautiful and strong woman and I believe in your courage and talents. Make sure your mum knows she was always my favorite cousin, and let your dad know that I'm glad he got brought into the family, even though I've never met him. Keep fighting for your happiness and keeping fighting for Remus ' happiness, you both deserve nothing less. Don't worry about me, or be sad for me, I'm better off now. I died doing what I wanted. I promise, even though Remus is stubborn, he'll come around, but you've got to keep trying. Keep fighting Tonks, for Harry, for the Order, but most importantly for yourself and Remus. Always keep fighting._

_ All my love,_

_ Your dearly departed cousin, Sirius_

Tonks couldn't believe it. Sirius had known about her and Remus. He'd seen how much she loved him, and what was more he believed that if she kept trying Remus would give in. She'd do in Bellatrix gladly the second she got the chance, even without Sirius' asking her. She'd keep fighting like Sirius had asked her to do. She wasn't going to give up.

Remus had been up all night, he hadn't even attempted to sleep, his bed remained made and undisturbed. He hadn't slept properly since the day that Sirius had died. He knew, rather guiltily that that wasn't the reason he couldn't sleep. He knew it was Tonks. He loved her, he did. It killed him to see her so upset, but she'd be happier in the end. He would like nothing more than to marry Tonks one day, but it just wasn't right. He loved her too much to put her through that. He wanted her to be happy. He wanted her to have the life she deserved. She deserved to have everything, to get everything life could offer her. She was beautiful, intelligent, and talented, truly courageous and selfless. She deserved a young whole man who could care for her in every way and keep her out of any danger. Her being with him was just a risk, problems waiting to happen. He just hoped she'd give up soon. He was stubborn and strong enough to refuse her, but admittedly every time she looked at him with those tearful eyes and mousy brown hair he budged a little more. Usually after she left he collected himself and was able to remind himself that she was better off without him, and he couldn't lose sight of that. When she truly happy, he would be truly happy and that wouldn't happen until she moved on and left Remus behind her. He would do anything to get her hair to change to bright pink again, but he wasn't going to jeopardize her best interests. He dearly hoped she'd give up on him soon; he'd given up on himself years ago.

Remus heard a light tapping at his window which interrupted his thoughts. He looked out into the bright blue early morning sky to find Ron's tiny owl, Pigwidgeon, fluttering outside. He quickly walked over to window and let the small owl fly inside to his kitchen table. He stroked the owl's tiny head as he untied the envelope from its foot. As soon as Pigwidgeon was released from the envelope, he hopped up and flew back out into the morning sky.

As Remus opened the envelope, a tiny paper fluttered the floor. He recognized Molly's handwriting.

_Dear Remus,_

_We found this letter for you in Sirius' room. We went back to see if there was anything we should take with us, anything of Sirius' we should give to Harry. The house checked out, Harry owns it now. I haven't opened it, but since it has your name on it I figured you should have it._

Sirius had left him a letter? Sirius had never really been the writing type. Remus sat down on the lumpy couch in his sitting room as he cautiously opened his letter. He half expected that it would just be a blank piece of paper. He couldn't figure out what Sirius would have to say to him, what he would have planned to say to him in advance. He was thoroughly shocked when he looked down at the old yellowing parchment and saw a completely finished and signed letter. He took a deep breath before starting the first line.

_Dear Moony,_

_ If you're reading this it means that I have met my untimely, though no doubt heroic, demise. I have some things I want to say to you, and I want to make sure that you hear them, well see them, even though I'm gone. Some of them only apply because I'm gone. Firstly, I want you to look after Harry for me. I have no idea how old he is now, but I'm presuming this bloody war is still going on because how would I have died if I weren't fighting…unless Kreacher killed me while I was sleeping? He's grown up all his life without someone properly looking after him, and he needs somebody. I bequeath you the position as Harry's godfather. They might have chosen me first, but you and I both know that if James and Lily had another child you would have been next in line. You were probably Lily's first choice anyway. I want you to take care of Harry and be there for him when he needs you. He's a strong boy and very independent, so it might be hard, but try. He's a bit reckless, there's definitely a lot of James in him. I need you to make sure that he is safe and keeps his head in all of this. I'd never have admitted this while living, but I myself am guilty of seeing him too much as his father. I sometimes forgot that he is really just a boy, now a boy who's lost both his parents and the only person who promised him a pleasant life. I promised him we would be a proper family when all of this was over. I want you to see it to it the best you can that he makes it to have a proper family. He deserves it. He's a strong boy and he knows what he's doing. While being there for him, you also need to trust him. He knows what lies ahead, the sacrifice and the risk ,trust him. You need to be the godfather I never got to be. Harry looks up to you, you taught him how to produce a patronus, to defeat evil with happiness. He admires you and trusts you, trust him in return._

_ Secondly, I want you to off the bugger who killed me. Although, I'm in a better place now trust me, whoever it was took me away from my godson, stole a future happy life from Harry. Don't worry about me, worry about him, and don't kill whoever it was for me, do it for him. When we met up with Wormtail again I knew we were going to kill him. Neither of us are killers, but we had to avenge James's death. Harry stopped us that time and I'm still not sure if that was the right decision, don't let him stop you now. I know you're not a killer Remus, but if this war keeps going the way it is, no one, including you, is going to have a choice. You might as well start off your record with avenging me. I've given Tonks permission to take the glory if you drag your feet._

_ Thirdly, I want to talk to you about Tonks. _Remus could feel his own eyes widening, his heart rate increasing, and the heat rising in his face. He knew about Tonks? But he had hidden it so well. He'd never even dealt with it until after Sirius was gone. _Yes, you've read it correctly, no jokes, read it again if you want (I know you will). _He was right, Remus reread the sentence. _I know you love her, Moony. I've been your best mate for years; you can't hide something like that from me. If I thought you were afraid that she didn't return your feelings I would waste this letter telling you that she does and to not be afraid, but we both know that isn't going to be the problem. You look at her the same way James looked at Lily, and she looks at you the same way Lily looked at James. I can't say anything better to you than that. You and I both know how long James was in love with Lily and how much she loved him in return. To have someone look at you that way is, I'd imagine one of the best things in the world. Moony, you both love each other; please just let yourself be happy. You were dealt a rough hand in life, and it's time that the cards worked in your favor. I know you're still not convinced. You're shaking your head, trying to convince me that I'm wrong._ Right again._ You're a stubborn arse, you always have been. Growing up James, Peter, and I always talked about our futures, especially when James proposed to Lily. You never did. You always knew that people would reject you and you never believed that you had any chance of a happy life, you had no hope. No matter what we said, what we did, you never had any faith. You found someone who loves you, Moony. Someone who loves you for everything that you are, please don't push that away, have faith. So many people, regrettably myself included, never got that chance in life, don't take it for granted. _Remus was slightly irritated. He wasn't taking it for granted; he just wanted what was best for Tonks._ I know, you're thinking that you're not taking this for granted, and I'll stop with the argument because you'll just keep arguing. Moony, you've gotten a chance at happiness, please take it. She really loves you, and it'll only hurt her if you push her away. I'm not sure if all this is out in the open yet, but if it is I'm sure Tonks has been just as stubborn as you are. I know you want her to be happy above everything else, but could you please listen to me when I say that the only way Tonks will be truly happy is with you. You are what she wants. You may think she deserves better, but really how could get someone better? You're the kindest, most thoughtful, most intelligent, and bravest person that I have ever met. I am quite honored to have you as a friend. I want you to know that those times we all went running around the grounds with you were some of the happiest times of my life. You've always tried to make sure I keep my head, and even kept me sane while I was stuck in that wretched house. You're the best mate we ever had, me and James and Peter for that matter. I'm sure you were the best Defense Against the Dark Arts professor Hogwarts has eve had. Don't ever think that you're any less of a person. You're more of a man than anyone I've ever met. I'm proud of how far you've come. Please, don't steal this happiness from yourself. Moony, you love Tonks and you have a chance to be happy, please take it. Don't give up, not only for yourself, but for the both of you. You're my best mate, Moony, and I want you to be happy. You're the last of the Marauders, well the ones that count anyway; someone's got to live life to the fullest. You and Tonks deserve happiness, Moony, more than any other people I know. Life's going to get even more difficult, you know it, and so does she, but it'll be easier if you're together. You want what's best for her and for her to be happy, Moony it's you. Believe me. Trust her and let her love you just as much as you love her, let yourself be happy. You'll be together and get married one day. Promise me you'll pick someone decent to be your best man; I can't bear the thought of some prat replacing me. You'll be happy together and finally get the life you deserve. And you'll name your first son after me of course. _

_ All my love,_

_ Your dearly departed Marauder and best mate, Padfoot._

Remus sighed deeply as he folded the letter. How had Sirius known so much? He tried his best to argue Sirius, but it was terribly hard since Sirius wasn't there to argue back. He knew that Sirius, if still living, would have brought it up eventually and fought just as hard. He also knew that Sirius knew it would be harder for him to argue back when no one was there. Sirius had pegged every reaction that Remus had, the exact situation he was in, he knew it all. He knew Sirius wanted him to be happy, but it just wasn't to be. He would be happy when Tonks was happy and no matter what Sirius thought or what Tonks thought, that wasn't with him. He had made up his mind.

Even though he promised himself his mind was unchangeable he kept seeing the same words in his head in Sirius' handwriting, _don't give up._

I know this was a rather long one shot, but I hope you enjoyed it. Please review it for me. :]


End file.
